Life Is Not Fair!!



Life is not fair!!

Life is not meant to be fair, and most of us learned that at an early age, but deep down we still continue to throw inner tantrums at the injustice of it.

Newsflash, the tantrum didn’t make life any more fair when you were a kid, and it ain’t gonna work now. When we were kids, what the tantrum was helpful in doing was getting our frustrations out. As adults, we are not very likely to throw ourselves on the floor, scream, cry and kick our feet, so we tend to hold all those feelings inside. Those feelings have to go somewhere, so they turn into wonderful things like anxiety, depression, high blood pressure.

The adult way to handle these emotions, is to re-train our minds by accepting life is not what we expected it to be, but also realize it still can be really good. It’s all up to us to choose how we view life’s events, and the blame game doesn’t really get us anywhere but more of those wonderful emotions like anxiety, depression and high blood pressure.

Next time life comes at you hard, even if someone treated you poorly, the best thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself some time alone to process what happened, and find any positives you can. Maybe you learned something valuable from this situation, maybe it motivates you to get out of it and on to something better, maybe you learned who your most trusted friends are.

Whatever we focus on expands. If we focus on the injustice of life, that is likely all we will see. How unfairly we are treated, how no one will give us a break. That is what will keep on happening if that is all we look for.

No matter how bleak the situation, there are always glimmers to be found around us. If you can find none, simply take a walk, focusing only on nature, and you will find you feel much better. It won’t make your situation go away, but your mind will be in a much better place to cope and decide on your next steps.

Raising a child with a disability has taught me many things, but one of the most valuable so far, is that though life is good at throwing unexpected challenges, life is still full of rewards. Sometimes, it just takes some extra work to uncover the rewards, but they are always there.

The other day, my son Wil, who is 6 years old, wanted a decorative tractor up on a shelf in his room. He went to the kitchen, got a stool, and pushed it across the hardwood floors to his room. He then climbed up on it, and pulled the tractor off the shelf while knocking down a picture frame in the process, shattering glass and breaking the wood of the frame.

Now, most 6-year-old kids could do this, and they’d get a stern discussion of why this was dangerous. For my guy, the first time he pulls an act like this, my immediate reaction is to give him a huge hug!

You see, he has Down syndrome, and many milestones are hard-earned. To see him plan and carry out this process was a milestone! I had the same gleeful reaction when he dumped an entire water bottle on our bed(his dad’s side, thank goodness!). He has trouble with fine motor skills, and it was the first time he unscrewed one of those tiny caps off of a bottle.

This kid has single-handedly re-trained my brain. I have learned that though he requires extra time and work,  he also brings so much joy into my life. No, it’s not fair that he has Down syndrome and has to work harder than other kids, but the gifts he brings to this world are great.

Focusing on the work he requires would drain me of energy and I would miss out on all of the joy he brings. Instead, my brain has been re-trained to view this work as a joy producer. I know, that at some point, he is just going to “get-it” and the feeling of elation is second to none.

There are many things in life that are downright unfair. I urge you to view these as a motivator to seek out glimmers around you, and create positive change in your life. It doesn’t mean we don’t grieve losses in our lives. It’s just means that if we can find the glimmers, it allows us to cope better with our situation, so that we can learn and grow from these experiences, and appreciate the joyful moments all the more.

All the best,




4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Molly B and Me
    Mar 12, 2013 @ 12:00:34

    Thanks for sharing your son’s gifts (including a wonderful smile) with us.


    • Christie
      Mar 13, 2013 @ 09:22:40

      You are very welcome! He has my heart, and its so gratifying to hear when he has touched someone else’s! Thank you for your comment! 🙂


  2. mamajoyx9
    Mar 16, 2013 @ 15:13:11

    Love this. My Noah is 6 also with Down syndrome. He pulled a similar stunt that included climbing up on our stove and snagging a box of cereal, and it occurred to me that no, we don’t really need to discipline our kids with DS just like all our other kiddos. Some things (like milestones and life skills) are more important than obeying rules our kids perhaps don’t even understand . . . or perhaps they do.

    Celebrating with you!


    • Christie
      Mar 17, 2013 @ 16:08:05

      Thanks for your comment and celebrating with me!!! As you personally know, each success brings such joy!

      I enjoy following your blog, as well, and learning of your experiences.

      I completely agree that we should discipline our kids with Ds differently. My son’s understanding of discipline is viewed as a personal attack rather than a correction of his actions. So, I like to discipline him by “re-directing” in a different direction. 🙂

      I even discipline my typically developing twin girls different from the other. Every one is different, and that is both the challenge and the beauty of parenthood! 🙂


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