A Whisper in Time

2007_1229Fallwinter070064Last night, at 10pm, everyone was sleeping, Elizabeth and I were still awake on the couch, and she was reading me passages from her Warriors book. At times, she would pause in her reading, lean over, and whisper some of the backstory in my ear, then sit back up and continue reading to me again.

Elizabeth is going into 5th grade this year, and that means middle school in Manchester. She won’t be reading like this to me for much longer, and if she does, that little whisper of a backstory will be the first to go. It is the last whisper of her elementary school youth.

Sometimes, I have these little fantasies of going back in a time machine, punching in a specific day and time, or just flying random, and arriving, for just a moment, to squeeze those chubby legs again, and hold their little rolly polly giggling bodies, and feel their warm, soft hair on the side of my cheek, and be able to kiss a boo-boo away, then come right back to my present, because I don’t want to miss that either. But, the only time machine I own right now is my memory, so I will continue on with my very own mental time travel for the time being.

So, right now, I will hold on to the whisper. And, I will feel both happy and sad about it. Happy, because it is my very own now to enjoy to the fullest, and sad, because all to soon, it will be another memory to visit. Yet, in that way, I find sadness a very beautiful emotion indeed.

Advertisements

She is…Kaleidoscopic

I am driving,
she sits next to me,
the same as every Tuesday….

http://christieleightaylor.com/she-is-kaleidoscopic/

IMG_3534

Moms around the table

There is a small group of moms sitting together at a local restaurant. They are sipping on a cool drink, it’s an unusually warm day for early May in Michigan…http://christieleightaylor.com/moms-around-the-table/

IMG_0848[1]

Are you happy? Let me see

This morning, Wil was sitting on his bed and I was kneeling on the floor beside him, strapping on his ankle braces before I slipped his shoes on over them. He couldn’t see my face because I had my head bent down, focused on the task at hand.
Wil said to me, “Mommy, are you happy?”
Without looking up, I replied, “Yes, honey I am.”
“Let me see.” …http://christieleightaylor.com/are-you-happy/

silly bed time

The Stare

Crystal Mountain pool

We were up skiing at Crystal Mountain, and Wil decided he wanted to go for a swim, so we went down to the pool leaving his dad and his sisters out on the slopes.

In the pool another couple was playing with their four children. The wife and her daughter went to the hot tub, while the dad stayed in the pool playing with his boys. There was an older woman swimming laps, doing the kind of “head up out of the water frog kick” thing. She kept trying to discreetly look over, and the look was always at Wil, not at the dad with his boys. I could read that look on her face, I’ve seen it many times over these last 8 years.

Does he? Does that boy have Down syndrome?

When Wil was a baby, I wavered over and over, when in public, do I tell people? They’d stare just a little bit longer at Wil, and some people would come right out and say it. “Oh, he has Down syndrome doesn’t he?”

On Down syndrome support pages I read the question all the time from new parents, “When we are at the grocery store, and people say something about our baby, do we tell them he has Down syndrome?”

The answer is so simple to me now, but back then, I asked that same question. My answer now is, take it one experience at a time.

If I told myself that answer 8 years ago, I would have freaked out! No, I can’t do that, I need answers!

When our kids are babies, we have so many uncertainties, so many unanswered questions, but being in that place is exactly where we are forced to grow.

Through trial and error, and lots of bumps and bruises, we learn how to trust our intuition. We learn that bumps and bruises aren’t a bad thing, they just teach us to change direction, and try a different tactic. We learn who we are, and how to trust ourselves.

So, now, when I see those people who stare, I don’t immediately jump to conclusions, or take an automated response. I evaluate the moment. That evaluation is based on past experiences, and what I cannot define better than a vibe or feeling I get.

Because, you know, I could have really missed out if I listened to only what others said and ignored my inner feelings. When people stare, I just feel a certain vibe. With the lady at the pool, I felt a vibe where she just wanted to satisfy her curiosity, so she never met my eyes, or glanced my way, so we went on with our business, she with hers, like many strangers occupying the same space. Yet, there have been many occasions in public places where I’ve seen the stare, and I just feel some connection in it, so I look up and smile, and my smile seems to unleash the friendliness in these people, and we make a great connection. Just strangers, who have never met, and I find out that a niece, a nephew, an aunt, or even their child has Down syndrome. One woman told me her son is a young adult now, but Wil looks just like he did, blond hair, and how it is not an easy life, oh, but how very wonderful it is. Just you wait!

I would have missed many of those connections if I had some automated response, or already had my mind set on what staring means.

Sometimes, I think, we don’t have to explain anything, or have it all figured out to an exact science. Sometimes, simply exhibiting a little friendliness can tell us exactly what we need to know.

*You can also view on my website at: http://christieleightaylor.com/the-stare/

Why I Gave Up the R-Word Fight

cropped avatar

I have given up the R-word fight. I will do it no longer.
I am done, fini, the end.
Fights take so much darn energy, they are not sustainable over the long term, and at the end, there is always a winner and a loser. I don’t want any losers in this fight, it’s too important. I want to find a way for us all to win in this. The only way I know how to do that is to share.
So, I’ve put away my R word boxing gloves, and replaced them with a keyboard, and share my heart out to you.
You see, I once used the R word, because I didn’t understand the power that word held. I didn’t need someone coming up and telling me how very wrong, awful and hurtful I was for saying it. And, if we are trying to avoid those wrong hurtful feelings, why fire back with them? To change, I needed someone to help me change my thinking. I needed someone to help me understand why it was wrong.

Now that I have the privilege of raising my sweet Wil, who has Down syndrome, I know, first hand, how very hurtful that word is. A word is not just a word. I know better. I know better, because I know my son.
So, to help you understand the hurt of that word, I want you to know my son, too. You may never get to know him like I do, and that’s ok. I just want you to know him enough through my words, that you can feel a compassion for him. A compassion for the work he has to do, and all of the support and emotions that surround that. It is not an easy life, but it is such a beautiful life, and it is very hurtful to have my son hear a carelessly used word to degrade that.

So, I will not whap you in the nose for using the R word. Instead, I will invite you into my son’s world, so you may get to know him. And, when that word is about to escape your lips out of habit, you will pause first. Not because you remember “you aren’t supposed to say it.” You will pause, because, now, there is something within you that feels it’s wrong. You know deep inside that it just isn’t right, and so choose to express your feelings in a different way. 

So, come join me, no boxing gloves needed. Sit, get comfy, let’s have a chat, and get to know each other. We are all winners here.

YOU CAN ALSO READ THESE POSTS ON MY WEBSITE: http://christieleightaylor.com/why-i-gave-up-the-r-word-fight/

Are You Being Honest With Yourself? Like, Deep Down Honest?

 

Are you being honest with yourself? Like, deep down honest? No comparisons with anyone else, not blaming anyone else or anything, just being honest with who you are and who you want to be?

When I find myself in blame or saying someone or something is holding me back from reaching my full potential, if I dig deep enough, I find that I am the problem, not anyone else. I am not asking for what I need, I am not doing what it takes, I am not taking the steps that need to be taken.


No one is to blame for not reaching my goals but myself. There is always, always a way.


Maybe getting there is not taking avenue that I envisioned, but if I am truly and brutally honest with myself about what I want, all those excuses, reasons, and blame fall away, and I begin to see new avenues to get there. I find that even though there are things and people who throw challenges my way, I can see my way through them, and I will get there if I only discipline myself to stay focused.


The truth is, no one has any power over your mind and your actions and reactions but you. Once you are truly honest with yourself, you will see your excuses for what they are, and other people who stand in your way are simply fearful because of their own internal dialogue and it really has little to do with you, and once you realize this, and discipline yourself to stay trained on your focus, but flexible in your approach, you will gain a freedom and inner joy and courage that simply can not be attained when hiding behind your reasons.


Get honest, drop the excuses, create a fantastic week for yourself, you deserve it because YOU ARE FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!  

View and share this post on my website: ChristieLeighTaylor.com christie 5

Previous Older Entries

%d bloggers like this: