How about adding a little WILingness to your Life?

Hi All!

I’m pretty darn excited!! I have a real live website now with a real live logo and everything! And to use Wil’s words, I did it ALL BY MYSELF! The website is www.WILingness.com

I even created a fun, upbeat short 45 second video introducing my son, Wil! Head over to Wilingness.com and check it out! I just know it will leave you with a smile!

My writing over the years has found it’s way to a central theme, which is opening my eyes to the power of small miracles all around us, and I only discovered them when I had the WILingness to see them. (clever, huh?!)

Sooo, this website will have some blogs you’ve seen before, and lots of new upcoming ones, all with the central theme of “WILingness.”

Now that I have the video thing figured out, I’ll be doing some of my blogs via video podcast. It’s big girl time now! 🙂

I’m only just getting started, but do me a favor and stop by to check out the VIDEO, LIKE Wilingness on Facebook, and SHARE and/or comment away. And I have a page on this new website titled WHY WILINGNESS if you are still confused about the name 😉

Thanks for checking out www.WILingness.com!!! Your comments are requested and appreciated!!

All the best,

Christie

 

SHINE ON!!!!

One thing I’ve learned when you embark boldly on your own journey, is you are going to piss people off and you didn’t even mean to! You are loving life, going on your merry way, and BAM! They start firing their dysfunction at you! Whoa! Back the F* up and point that in another direction! That is not my dysfunction, that is yours! I have EARNED this life I have. I have gone through a lot of UGLY to get here. Everyone has UGLY in their life, and I’m no different. I don’t paint ugly things and call them pretty. Or, even worse, I don’t pretend they are not there, and blame others for my dysfunction. I have owned up to the ugly parts of my life and faced them. I have done the hard and dirty work of looking the ugly right in the face, and working my way through it, one step at a time. I have grown greatly from those experiences, and I know I will grow even more in this lifetime. I love where I am, because I fought for it, I worked for it, and now I OWN IT! I stand tall because of the ugly parts in my life, not because everything has been so easy. But, some people don’t want to believe that. That shine hurts their eyes because it means they have to look at those ugly parts within themselves and do something about it. So, it’s just easier to throw their dysfunction around and pretend they’ve been dealt a worse hand. I have seen people who have been dealt some very difficult and tragic hands in life, and they have faced those terribly ugly places and worked through them, and came out shining so bright, they inspire many around them. Now, that is the kind of light I like to stand in and gain life, energy and growth from! We all have the ability to shine, we just have to make the conscious choice to do so, and be willing to do the dirty work to get through the ugly parts. Once you do that, ain’t no one going to dull your shine no matter what they throw at you!

YOU EARNED IT, YOU OWN IT, SHINE ON!

What’s so funny about?

“What’s so funny about?” Wil asked me this morning, as he was eating his breakfast.

Good question, Wil. He didn’t make a joke, he wasn’t trying to be funny. In fact, he was just sitting at the table eating oatmeal.

What is so funny about plain, old oatmeal?

It was in the way he was eating. He was so darn happy about his plain, old oatmeal.

The way he was smiling, wiggling around in his chair, and dipping in with such gusto, you would have thought it was a big old bowl of ice cream.

His energy was so high and bright, that I couldn’t help but watch him and giggle at his excitement over oatmeal.

But, it wasn’t about the oatmeal. It was because he was awake! It was morning! The day was just beginning! Let’s get this party started!

He didn’t say that, but I sure could feel it, and it was so beautifully contagious, I couldn’t help but feel the same way and start to giggle.

Isn’t that funny how you can just feel people’s energy and be carried right along with them?

Some people lift you up just by being around them. They are full of energy, life and smiles. They are excited about life! They don’t have to be rich, have immense talent, or have anything uniquely spectacular going for them, they just enjoy life for life. They have struggles, and obstacles, just like anyone else, but they find meaning in them rather than focusing on the darkness of them. They move forward with a lift in their step, and it’s so beautifully contagious.

And, then there are the Debbie Downers. It is very dark within their circle because all they focus on is what is going wrong, or how they were wronged. They are the energy suckers. Nothing seems to go right for them, their life is one problem to the next. They believe they have more obstacles and struggles than most, but in reality, they just are so mired in fear, that they don’t want to readjust their focus to move forward out of the fear. They may be very well-meaning people, but until they readjust their focus, they will always live in that fear, and only see how everything around them is wrong, and how wronged they are by others.

Most of us have been a little bit of both in different times in our lives. But, the moment we realize we are in full power of our focus and perspective, is the moment we learn the courage to work with our fears, and move past them, and enjoy life for all that it offers us to be.

The cool thing is, you don’t need more money, a better childhood, or anything other than the sheer desire and willingness to change your perspective.

It’s freezing rain here right now. The sky is dark, grey, and the clouds are really low. It’s not a very uplifting sight. My guess is, if I scroll down facebook there will be many negative and complaining comments today, simply because it is a grey day.

But, why do we live like that? Why do we allow something like the weather, that is completely out of our control, to control our own mood? We can not control the weather, but we can control our mood and perspective. It just takes a little time, desire and effort to change our focus to create a more enjoyable and fulfilling day.

When we feel dark, everything around us looks dark. We are what we focus on. Do you want a dark life? Focus on the dark and you are well on your way.

When we feel light and bright, everything around us looks brighter. The dark is still there, but we see beyond it, we find meaning in it, and it is seen as a growing experience rather than gloom and doom.

I am running 13 miles on this dark, cloudy, rainy day. There is no way around the weather. I could bemoan the fact that I have to go out in this, or endure 13 miles on the treadmill, or not run at all. And, hey, it’s not my fault, it’s the damn weather’s fault!

But, I’m not going to do that. Instead, I’m going to take a lesson from Wil today. I’m not an over-the-top fan of running in the freezing rain, but I’m excited to be awake! I’m excited that I have the ability to run! So I’m going to lace up my shoes, crank up the tunes on my iPhone, and get this party started!

So, if you see me out there running and smiling in the rain, you won’t have to ask, you’ll already know what’s so funny about.

Are You Being Honest With Yourself? Like, Deep Down Honest?

 

Are you being honest with yourself? Like, deep down honest? No comparisons with anyone else, not blaming anyone else or anything, just being honest with who you are and who you want to be?

When I find myself in blame or saying someone or something is holding me back from reaching my full potential, if I dig deep enough, I find that I am the problem, not anyone else. I am not asking for what I need, I am not doing what it takes, I am not taking the steps that need to be taken.

No one is to blame for not reaching my goals but myself. There is always, always a way.

Maybe getting there is not taking avenue that I envisioned, but if I am truly and brutally honest with myself about what I want, all those excuses, reasons, and blame fall away, and I begin to see new avenues to get there. I find that even though there are things and people who throw challenges my way, I can see my way through them, and I will get there if I only discipline myself to stay focused.

The truth is, no one has any power over your mind and your actions and reactions but you. Once you are truly honest with yourself, you will see your excuses for what they are, and other people who stand in your way are simply fearful because of their own internal dialogue and it really has little to do with you, and once you realize this, and discipline yourself to stay trained on your focus, but flexible in your approach, you will gain a freedom and inner joy and courage that simply can not be attained when hiding behind your reasons.

Get honest, drop the excuses, create a fantastic week for yourself, you deserve it because YOU ARE FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!  

View and share this post on my website: ChristieLeighTaylor.com 

How To Have a Stress Free IEP (& Low Stress Life!)

How to have a Stress Free IEP:

Step One: Maintain positive expectations.

Whoa, wait! What if I miss something if my head is in the clouds with positive thinking? There is so much to think about and worry about! If I’m not on top of this, who is going to be? That may work in your world, but not mine!

That would have been my response several years ago. Three kids under three, one with special needs, and I was fueled by stress. Stress was working for me, it kept me up and running, and on top of things. Until one day, I bonked!

I just broke down and cried one day but I didn’t know why. I can do this, I can handle it, so why am I crying? What is wrong with me? I knew all this stress was taking its toll on me mentally and physically, and I knew I needed to make a change, but I didn’t know how. I was scared that if I let go of the stress, I would miss something critical. I needed to stay on top of my son’s needs to give him the best opportunities in life. If I let go of stress, wasn’t that being irresponsible?

One day, while at the library with my kids, I happened upon one of Dr. Wayne Dyer’s books, “The Power of Intention.”  I remembered reading “The Road Less Traveled” way back on my pre kid working days, and really liked the spiritual aspect of it. So, I flipped through this book and found it very easy to read, and very uplifting. I decided to borrow it, and was soon hooked. This book was exactly what I needed, and I went on to read many more of his works.

I learned that I couldn’t wait around for things in my life to change. I had to change my thinking in order to change my environment. Holding on to blame, anger and stress, no matter how justified, was only holding me back from receiving the positive results I desired.

Replacing stress and anger with positive expectations is not easy, but I knew if I continued to hold on to stress, it would continue to decrease my quality of life, and eventually lead to serious consequences with my physical health. So, even though every day it is easy to fall back into old patterns of stress, I know that if I make the effort to change my thoughts to those of positive expectations, the results will always be worth the effort. I have found the best way to maintain a positive mindset is with meditation.

I now meditate for 20 minutes at a time, and it zips by, but it didn’t start that way. I decided to start meditating for 2 minutes at a time, and this is how: Sit upright, close your eyes and take deep breaths. Count your breaths as you inhale slowly, hold your breath for a beat, then count as you slowly exhale. Do this for a few moments until all you think about is your breath. You will have thoughts that enter your mind as you are doing this. When they do, do not give them any emotion, simply observe that they are there, then visualize them floating away on a cloud. It’s important not to give your thoughts any emotion, good, bad or otherwise. Simply watch them float away. (I was always nervous I would fall asleep, so I set an alarm and that allowed me to relax)

When you have successfully reached a point where you are only counting breaths with very few intruding thoughts, bring up a picture in your mind of the IEP (or the situation that you are feeling stressed about). Visualize yourself smiling and satisfied with the results. Don’t worry about the details of how you got there, just imagine all is positive and you are feeling satisfied. Now that you have that mental picture, internalize those feelings of well-being. If that is difficult, remember a time when you felt all was well and going in a positive direction. Let those wonderful emotions flood your body and sit with them until you feel enveloped in them. Now visualize surrounding everyone in the situation with love. Yes, even that person you can’t stand that always seems to be standing in your way and blocking your success! Any anger and blame you hold will be blocking you from the positive results that you desire. Remember, this is for you and your child, not for them, so go ahead and do it! Surround every single person involved with an aura of love. Watch all the stress, anger and blame evaporate as everyone is enveloped in loving feelings of good will.

Slowly open your eyes, but remember that feeling and that picture. What is important now is that you maintain those feelings as you go about your day, no matter what should unfold. If a stressful occurrence happens, simply excuse yourself to go to the restroom, outside, or anywhere you can have a few moments of privacy, close your eyes, and bring back those positive feelings.

I’ve found, whenever I let go of the stress of the details, and hold the feeling of a positive result, the IEP goes amazingly well, and things happen I never would have planned myself to bring about a positive outcome.

This does not mean I sit around with my eyes closed and hope everything works out for the best. Quite the opposite. When I maintain this positive mental image and state of mind, people are more cooperative and more willing to help me, and new opportunities present themselves that I act on.

This has worked so well in having successful IEPs for my son, I’ve extended this way of thinking to all areas of my life. If I find myself angry with someone or filled with stress about something, I close my eyes and surround this person with love, or visualize myself smiling that the situation worked out. I don’t think about the details of how it came about, I simply visualize being satisfied with the end result. Then, I go on with my days, maintaining this positive image. It’s not always easy when there are bumps in the road, and that is why I read a few spiritual passages every day and meditate to keep me on track. I have found this effort of maintaining a positive state is always worth the results.

Raising a child with special needs is a very rewarding experience, but it can be filled with a lot of unpredictability which can lead to high stress levels. This is one way I’ve found to be very effective in reducing stress and bringing about positive results, and I share in hopes that you will find it helpful, as well.

All the best,

Christie

Share this:

Here is today’s post on my other blog, Journey to Self Compassion. This topic is one of those things that sounds so easy to do, but is one of the most difficult. Yet, to change outer circumstances in your life, you must start with the inside… Be well! 🙂

Your Soul is Calling…Are You Listening?

Hey Girlfriend, You Need A Body Image Readjustment!

We women are inundated with articles about our weight and body image. They go from encouraging some crazy cleanse diet to embracing our fullness.  As different as these articles may look, every single one is saying the same thing: “Girlfriend, you do not love who you are, and you need us to tell you how to do that, and its all in your body image.”

They tell us to embrace ourselves, as if we are not able to do that without their validation, or to starve ourselves and then we can be happy because we’ll be the “skinny girl” and we all know happiness is achieved by being skinny.

GAG me with your honey and green tea cleanse diet spoon!!

The only articles about our bodies I find useful focus on healthy eating, different types of exercise and general well-being with absolutely zero reference to weight or body image. Those articles are not as sexy as the body image articles and they don’t call us girlfriend, but, they do give us the tools to own our body image, and when we own it, we have no need to be defined or validated by someone else.

Take care of that body you have been given, no matter how big or small your boobs, thighs or tummy are. When you exercise, eat well, and allow yourself to fully enjoy “bad for you” treats on occasion, you will be proud of what you are doing for yourself and not need an article to tell you to “embrace yourself as you are” or consume nothing but honey and green tea for a week.

It’s not that you won’t wish certain parts of your body are different. Believe me, I would love to have long, skinny legs but I don’t. Yet, I treat myself well and I love to run so I am proud of my curvy, muscular thighs. I don’t need an article to tell me to embrace their curves or get them skinny with some crazy cleanse diet.

I own my body. When you own it, there are no comparisons, crazy diets, or validation needed. Got that, girlfriend?

Finding your own rhythm

I run, I breathe in the weather.

I find my pace, my rhythm.

No matter how smooth the run,

I always hit a place where my legs and lungs start to scream,

and my mind says stop,

its ok, just walk a little.

As much relief as the walk brings

It hurts that much more to get started again.

So, instead, I speed up with a quick burst,

arms pumping, legs following.

This acceleration feeds my body with the lift it needs.

I close my eyes, quieting my mind and completely lean into the rhythm.

My haggard breathing begins to smooth and fall in line with my arms and legs.

My whole body seems as if it is propelling itself and I am flooded with energy!

I am renewed, invigorated! The burn is still there, but I have my rhythm back and feel like I could keep going forever.

It is the runner’s high, the ultimate reward for working past the hurt.

This high doesn’t end when the run ends. Far from it.

It fills my day with energy, urging me to move forward rather than get stuck in overwhelming situations.

The desire to slow down, or stop, never goes away, it always tugs at me.

But, I know how much it hurts to slow down only to start back up again.

The reward lies in conquering my fears by jumping in,

and once there, lean in, listen to my inner self, and find my own rhythm.

7 Ways to a Happy Ending

Who doesn’t love a good Cinderella story? We all want a happy ending.

But, we are really good at getting in the way of our happy endings and crush them before they even have a chance to develop.

Why?

Because, we try to control every detail of how the ending will get here and how it will end. When it doesn’t happen the way we want it to, and it rarely does, we get frustrated, lose hope, and declare that happy endings are only in fairy tales.

Not true! Happy endings are very real, and happen every day!

We may not have a fairy godmother to zap all our troubles away, but we do have something else.

Control over our emotions.

Instead of controlling how our happy ending will get here, we need put our focus on controlling our emotions. Only then will the red carpet roll out for us to walk right into our happy ending.

Here are 7 steps to walking right into your happy ending:

1. Let go of the anger and stress toward a situation or person(tall order, I know, but this isn’t about who is right or wrong, it’s about a happy ending for you)

2. Let go of the specific way you want a situation handled. Focus instead, on how you will FEEL when it’s resolved. Let the peace, contentment and happiness flood your emotions. If you are doing this right, your heart rate will increase with the joy of it.

3. Whenever thoughts of the situation or person rise up and bring stress, and they will, excuse yourself for a moment, and conjure up feelings of being free, content and joyful that you practiced in #2.

4. As you lie in bed every night, just before sleep, imagine that all the conflict is over and you feel content. Don’t think about how or why, just let the feeling of contentment wash over you. You will rest peacefully and your subconscious will be alert to solutions.

5.  Once you have been able to control and release your stress with 1-4, stay alert to people or situations that can help you. Stress blinds us to this help, and it’s almost miraculous in the ways people or situations show up in our lives once we let the stress and hatred go.

6. Once you see a door open, or are given a helping hand, give thanks for it, accept it, and follow through with it.

7. Allow yourself to have a happy ending. Believe in them. They never fail to grow bigger and better once we release them of our control.

It takes a great amount of discipline to bring feelings of peace and contentment into our hearts when we are feeling great stress and pressure. And, I don’t know if it ever gets easier, but I know that it is always worth it.

Every single time my son has an IEP(goal setting meeting), or we have a change in status with school or his health, my first instinct is fear, worry and stress. But, I know how important it is to spend the last 10 minutes before sleep laying in bed and relaxing my body.

I picture myself very happy and pleased with the outcome. I go to sleep with that picture and let the contentment wash over me. My heartbeat picks up and I actually start to feel excited anticipation of the great things to come. I don’t try to control how it will happen, but I have a knowing it will happen for our greater good, and I send up thanks for that.

I stay alert to people or situations that can help me. When I see them, I take action, and invariably, a situation will end better than I anticipated.

As one brief example, a mistake was made during Wil’s summer school. I was very concerned and upset about it. After I had time to cool off and take a step back, I realized that if I came at this from an angry perspective, it would have put people on the defensive and turned into a blame game rather than resolving the issue. No happy ending.

I laid down in bed that night, and it took some time, but I was able to let the stress go and picture myself content with a feeling of peace and the issue resolved.

The very next morning, a school administrator was standing right outside of Wil’s classroom. Now, this is summer, so administrators are not normally wandering the halls (door to happy ending just opened, so I walked in!).

It being summer, the administrator also had more time to talk, and was not harried with the multitude of items typically on their school year schedule. We had a great talk about my concerns, and not only were the issues handled, I also received positive assurances about other things I had not even asked about. Happy ending!

I could go on to list many more examples, and of course, some issues take longer to resolve than others, but there has never been a time this has not worked for me.

And, hey, if anything else, relieving yourself of stress is good for your health and well-being. We all know the havoc stress can create with our minds and in our bodies.

Be good to yourself, and treat yourself to a Happy Ending!

All the best,

Christie

How to have your Mac-n-Cheese and eat it, too!

Yesterday, as I was making Wil’s lunch, I asked him to wash his hands. He looked at me, and in defiance, yelled, “NO WASH HANDS!”

His beloved Annie’s Mac n Cheese was on the menu, so asking him to leave the room to wash his hands was out of the question.

I calmly replied, “Then no lunch.”

He immediately turned that defiant attitude around, and sweetly said, “Wash my hands” and off he went.

“Thank you, Wil.”

Big smile, “You are welcome, Mommy.”

Little charmer, that one 🙂

Since Wil’s vocabulary has increased, and he is realizing the power of it, these types of conversations are more frequent. He will get angry if things aren’t going his way, but can just as easily make a change in attitude if he can see the outcome will not be in his favor.

Somewhere along the way, this quick change in attitude kids are able to make becomes very difficult for us adults. We easily stay stuck on who is right or wrong, and are really good at holding grudges. We lose focus on finding solutions to the problem that brought us the anger in the first place.

Its much easier to get angry and stay angry, even though looking for alternatives to achieve our desired outcome will benefit us in the long run.

Sure, the triggers to our anger surround much bigger issues than getting our Mac n Cheese for lunch, but the base concept is still the same. If things aren’t going in our favor, the immediate reaction is typically anger.

How many times have you gotten angry and it changed things for the better? Probably not many.

Anger is a natural emotion, and it spurs us to action. But, once we feel the burn of anger, as difficult as it is when we are fuming with it, it greatly benefits us to take a moment to step back from the situation and see what it is we are really wanting.

We need to remember, no matter how wronged we may have been, we do not have the ability to change others. What we do have, is the ability to change and refocus our attitudes.

There are typically many solutions to a problem. Anger keeps our focus on what we aren’t getting, rather than using our creative ability to see alternative options.

Wil could have gotten stuck on who was right or wrong. He could argue that he’d be eating with a spoon, not with his hands. Besides, a few germs will help build his immunity. Geez, mom, lighten up!

He could have angrily stomped off to wash his hands, and then not enjoyed his lunch as he fumed in anger over the unfairness of it all. He could have submissively gone off to wash his hands, feeling controlled and defeated. He could have planted himself on the floor and sat unmoving in anger not eating his lunch to get back at me.

Rather, he stepped out of his anger and thought about what he really wanted, made a complete change in attitude, and received what he wanted with positive results.

Even though this is an oversimplified example of larger issues we adults face, the basic premise is still the same.

Staying in anger, and focusing on who is right or wrong, rarely ends receiving our desired outcome.  A change in attitude gives us the ability to focus on what we really want, and remain open to finding alternative ways to achieve our goals with positive results.