“Mothers of Disabled Children” by Erma Bombeck, May 11, 1980

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen? Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

“Armstrong, Beth; son; patron saint, Matthew.

“Forrest, Marjorie; daughter; patron saint, Cecelia.

“Rudledge, Carrie; twins; patron saint…. give her Gerard. He’s used to profanity.”

Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles, “Give her a handicapped child.”

The angel is curious. “Why this one, God? She’s so happy.”

“Exactly,” smiles God. “Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel.”

“But has she patience?” asks the angel.

“I don’t want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she’ll handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independance. She’ll have to teach the child to live in her world and that’s not going to be easy.”

“But, Lord, I don’t think she even believes in you.”

God smiles. “No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.”

The angel gasps, “Selfishness? Is that a virtue?”

God nods. “If she can’t seperate herself from the child occasionally, she’ll never survive. Yes, there is a woman I will bless with a child less then perfect. She doesn’t realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a ‘spoken word.’ She will never consider a ‘step’ ordinary. When her child says ‘Momma’ for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.

“I will permit her to see clearly the things I see — ignorance, cruelty, prejudice — and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.”

“And what about her patron saint?” asks the angel, his pen poised in midair.

God smiles. “A mirror will suffice.”

Hey Girlfriend, You Need A Body Image Readjustment!

We women are inundated with articles about our weight and body image. They go from encouraging some crazy cleanse diet to embracing our fullness.  As different as these articles may look, every single one is saying the same thing: “Girlfriend, you do not love who you are, and you need us to tell you how to do that, and its all in your body image.”

They tell us to embrace ourselves, as if we are not able to do that without their validation, or to starve ourselves and then we can be happy because we’ll be the “skinny girl” and we all know happiness is achieved by being skinny.

GAG me with your honey and green tea cleanse diet spoon!!

The only articles about our bodies I find useful focus on healthy eating, different types of exercise and general well-being with absolutely zero reference to weight or body image. Those articles are not as sexy as the body image articles and they don’t call us girlfriend, but, they do give us the tools to own our body image, and when we own it, we have no need to be defined or validated by someone else.

Take care of that body you have been given, no matter how big or small your boobs, thighs or tummy are. When you exercise, eat well, and allow yourself to fully enjoy “bad for you” treats on occasion, you will be proud of what you are doing for yourself and not need an article to tell you to “embrace yourself as you are” or consume nothing but honey and green tea for a week.

It’s not that you won’t wish certain parts of your body are different. Believe me, I would love to have long, skinny legs but I don’t. Yet, I treat myself well and I love to run so I am proud of my curvy, muscular thighs. I don’t need an article to tell me to embrace their curves or get them skinny with some crazy cleanse diet.

I own my body. When you own it, there are no comparisons, crazy diets, or validation needed. Got that, girlfriend?

Life Lesson # 210: Going to School in a Black Plastic Garbage Bag

(My beautiful mother & me ❤ )

Maybe this is a sign of getting older, but I chuckle at the fashion magazine article advice about “what’s hot and what’s not.”

I do enjoy seeing new styles and new makeup ideas, but what I laugh at is, how they dictate what is hot and what is not. How did they become the authority on what looks good on each of us? What’s hot for one, may look ridiculous on another.

There was a time when I listened to these fashion authorities, and took their advice to heart. It was of high importance that I wear certain brands from certain stores. Even if I could only have one pair of jeans, instead of 10 at the discount store, I chose to have the one pair.

I knew what looked good on me, and what didn’t, but only within the confines of “what’s hot and what’s not.”

I’ve broken out of that fashion jail, and now live in fashion freedom. I dress in clothes that are an extension of my personality, rather than within the confines of the fashion police. They are too busy with the likes of Honey Boo Boo to mess with me, anyway.

Though it took time to grow, this seed of fashion independence was planted in me back in elementary school:

I was in 4th grade, and my grandparents came to stay with my sister and me, while my parents were out of town for a few days.

Before school one morning, as my sister and I were about to run out to catch the school bus, a heavy rain started. I had outgrown my raincoat, so my grandmother promptly cut three holes in a large, black plastic garbage bag, and plopped it over my head.

I immediately cried in protest.

She calmly responded, “Be a leader, not a follower.”

I knew I was no match for her, so off I ran to the bus in my shiny, new raincoat. As I walked down the bus aisle looking for a seat, I heard the inevitable, “is that a garbage bag?!”

No one outwardly made fun of me, and I think some of it had to do with my disposition. I was absolutely mortified, but I was more than prepared to duke it out with a teasing kid rather than combat my strong-willed grandmother.

My grandmother had the same attitude when I wore designer jeans in junior high school. “Why would you pay money to wear someone else’s name on your clothes? They should pay you to put your name on their clothes.”

It has taken many years, but I’ve finally come to her way of thinking. No, I don’t confidently strut around in garbage bags when it rains, or request Mr. Klein stitch out my name on the back pocket of his jeans, and that will be $80, thank you very much, but, I get where she was coming from.

What looks good on you is not what someone tells you looks good on you. Be your own person, and be proud of who that person is.

Years later, shortly after my grandmother passed away, I remember  Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett. It was a shock to many, as she is stunningly beautiful, and Lyle is, well, Lyle.

Discussing this marriage and the obvious differences in outward appearances with my mother, I’ll never forget when she said,”Lyle is immensely talented. That, in itself, is attractive.”

Yes, she is my grandmother’s daughter.

With one big difference, she would never send me off to school in a black garbage bag(though we still have some good laughs about it!).

My mom values fashion and has an admirable sense of it. She believes in confidently wearing things that are “you” as an expression of who you are. She doesn’t follow any fashion rules, she follows her own. 

My mother has a beautiful, creative taste in clothes. Some of her outfits might look outlandish on some, but she never fails to pull it off looking fabulous. That is because her clothes are an extension of her true, fun and energetic self.

I now enjoy that wonderful feeling of fashion freedom, and am not confined to the limits of a label.  When I wear an outfit, I rock it like my name is written all over it 🙂

No Labels Allowed

(Wil and his friend, Ivy)

Two of my pet peeves are the statements, “That doesn’t sound like you” and “I’m the type of person who…”

It makes me cringe to be labeled like this. The most empowering ability we have as human beings is to change our perspectives, and therefore, our behaviors.

We may or may not want to change certain things about ourselves, but whatever we choose to do, we have this ability within us.

Of course, certain traits are much more difficult to change than others. If I’m in a highly stressful situation, I typically fall back on old behaviors that may not work well for me. But, the benefit I have now, that I didn’t have in the past, is having experienced how different reactions feel and work for me. Now, once I catch myself falling into an old behavior that doesn’t work well for me, I have the ability to change it.  Having that ability is one of the most empowering things about being a human being.

As with most of us, I’ve had a number of life experiences that have shaped and molded me, and will continue to experience many more. There are things I’ve had the courage to do now, that I never would have years ago. Overcoming my fears, and accomplishing these things, has given me the courage to tackle more.

I still have plenty of fears and insecurities about things. But, having the experience and knowledge that I can change my thinking to accomplish what I desire, is a confidence builder in and of itself.

I have three children, and I know better than to label them. I have twins, and those two have flip-flopped their interests so much, that if I told you one was the animal lover, next week the other would be.

My son has Down syndrome, and the last thing I want is a label to define him. I’ll never forget when we went to visit his Endocrinologist(to check his thyroid), and this doctor asked me what milestones my son, Wil, had reached.

If milestones were made in steps A, B, C, many times Wil has achieved step A, then skipped right over B to reach C. When he was learning to walk, he could put one foot in front of the other on a balance beam, while someone held his hand, before he could walk. In the milestone book, you are not supposed to be able to put one foot in front of the other before walking.

So, as I’m telling the doc Wil’s milestones that he achieved in this “out of order” way, this actually came out of his mouth, “Oh, he can’t do that.” I found a new endocrinologist faster than you can say endocrinologist.

Thankfully, the new doc got it. This time, when I explained how Wil doesn’t follow a specific pattern, she handed me a sheet full of milestones, and asked me to check off all the ones Wil had achieved. No labels, no putting him in a box, she accepted Wil doing things as Wil does things.

So, I do things as I do them, and as new experiences come and go, I have the ability to keep the traits that work for me, and the freedom to change the traits that don’t. Do me and yourself a favor, and don’t label either one of us. Revel in this freedom we have as humans to constantly reinvent ourselves.

All the best,

Christie

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We are Superwomen already…no x-ray vision needed.

This post has a different angle than my other blog posts, so bear with me, this is my outlet so I’m using it.

Today I posted an ecard on Facebook saying, “Ladies don’t need superpowers. We have yoga pants.”  Haha, very cute, right?

I adore my yoga pants! I find them both comfy and flattering to a women’s physique. They give our rear a lift, smooth out our thighs, are great to exercise or lounge in, and do not need ironing. What’s not to love?

I believe women can be attractive and respected at the same time.  However, manufactures of certain women’s clothing either don’t believe that, or could care less.

To prove that, in response to this ecard post on Facebook, a friend replied with a link to an article stating women returned yoga pants saying they were too skimpy and see-through.

Its not easy for a woman to find something both flattering to her figure and comfortable. And, just when we thought we found that in yoga pants, Hey! Guess what!! Your rear assets are showing and you didn’t even know it!

So, now, instead of just picking out a pair of yoga pants we like, we now have to bend over in the mirror, to make sure we aren’t showing off what we thought we  were simply giving a nice lift. Hmmm, not sure about you, but I find that degrading.

Now, husbands and significant others may love these see-through yoga pants for obvious reasons. Great, I have a solution for that. Rear-asset-covered yoga pants go in the exercise apparel department, rear-asset-revealed yoga pants go in the lingerie department. Problem solved! Buyers know what they are getting, companies get their revenue for marketing a product for what it truly is. Win/win

So, ladies, enjoy your superpowers, use them for good, and beware of villains who try to strip you of your respect behind your back, literally.

Christie